The Office
by virgoel
Summary: How do you deal with an Instagram-obsessed Kise, a bet-loving Akashi, a blackmailing Takao, a Midorima who actually gets his work done, a Kagami who doesn't get his work done, a creepily-romantic Himuro, an oblivious Murasakibara, and a Aomine who just likes messing around? Don't ask Kuroko–he doesn't know. Eight guys in a startup company. Office!AU (More characters will be added)
1. The One Where Kuroko Gets Saran-Wrapped

Kuroko Tetsuya convinced himself as he looked at his disheveled reflection in the morning, that working for a small software design company was a far better choice than his ideal job at the New York Times. The pay was better for one, and the one at the New York Times was just an internship, and it's not like he had money lying around to support himself for God knows how long before he gets promoted. After all, some pay is better than being homeless.

He quickly splashed water over his face before trying to pat his wild blue hair to lie a bit more dormant while his toothbrush sticks in his mouth. Loop, through the hole, pull and his new black tie slides in place around his neck before he slides his sleek black blazer around his shoulders.

This was a good idea.

He hoped.

Kiseki Corporations was a tacky name and it looked even tackier in person, Kuroko thought, as he stared up at the bright red letters on the building. He sighed, trying to calm his beating heart, before picking up his briefcase and exited his old 1996 Toyota Corolla, feeling slightly out of place amongst the new Porches and Mercedes-Benz.

But, all thoughts of inadequacy quickly left his mind as he set foot in the building and wondered exactly how could someone be that tall and with purple hair no less. Though, he suppose that he himself stuck out with his sky blue hair, but still purple? It had to be dyed.

He was quickly shaken out of his thoughts when the purple-haired man in front of him grumbled, "So, what ya here for?"

"Oh," Kuroko stuck out his hand, "I'm Kuroko Tetsuya, a new employee. Nice to meet you."

"Ehhh," The man replied, "I didn't know we were gonna get a new hire." He glanced back at the solitaire game in front of him before quickly pointing Kuroko to a door on his right. "Ya can go through there."

"Thank you," Kuroko replied. When he didn't get a reply, he shrugged before quickly opening the door to a face full of Saran Wrap. The impact hit him like a ton of bricks and the next thing he sees is a bright white ceiling with a weird stain that he didn't even want to know where it came from.

"Shit shit shit!" A voice came from his right before a head full of blonde hair popped into Kuroko's line of vision. "Hey, sorry dude, that wasn't meant for you."

Kuroko groaned while attempting to pry the Saran Wrap from his face. The blonde guy with ridiculously long eyelashes held out his hand to help Kuroko up before apologizing once again, "You're the new guy, right?"

Kuroko nodded, starting to feel overdressed as he looked at Eyelashes in dark jeans and a white T-shirt.

"Whoa, did it work?" A rather dark blue haired man came up and slapped Eyelashes five. "Niceee, you owe me ten bucks." He glanced over at Kuroko, "Damn son, that looks painful."

"It worked, but not on the right person." Eyelashes responded, "So, I'm only going to give you five because I need groceries from the rest of the week."

"It's Monday."

"Your point?"

Kuroko shifted from one foot to the other and ow, was it hard to breathe. "Um, excuse me, but—"

"Oh shit, the meeting started a couple minutes ago, shit. Akashi's gonna kill us." Blue yelled, pulling Kuroko Tetsuya along. "Name's Aomine Daiki. The dumb blonde that you were talking to earlier is Kise Ryouta."

"Hey," Kise yelled in protest. "I'm only one of those things."

"Yeah," Aomine countered, "He's not a natural blonde. He actually has black hair." Kuroko gasped slightly when Aomine led him through a sharp right before pushing him through an open door. Six pairs of eyes fell on the three of them as they entered the small conference room. "Look at what we found. Oh, whoa, Midorima, you were already here? Thought you were coming late today."

"And fall for your stupid Saran Wrap prank?" The guy in all green (Kuroko snorted) called 'Midorima,' "I don't think so."

"Sit down," Akashi (Kuroko makes a mental note that the Akashi over the skype interview a week ago looked infinitely more amicable than the one in real life. The obnoxious red hair is still obnoxious though regardless of the medium) barked, "We started fifteen minutes late."

"Shouldn't we introduce ourselves to the new guy?" Aomine replies, and Kuroko knows that he's trying to get out of as much of the meeting as possible.

"Yeah, yeah," Akashi responded quickly. "I forgot."

"He's standing right there."

"Anyways—" Akashi ignores Aomine, and points at Midorima to start.

Midorima pushes his glasses back with a bandaged hand and Kuroko wonders if he's a rather clumsy guy, "I'm Midorima Shintaro, CFO. But I presume you already know that, had you been paying attention."

"He also goes by Shin-chan," Aomine chuckles.

"No, I most definitely do not," Midorima interjects and gave Kuroko a look that clearly states _do not even try._

"I'm Takao Kazunari," The black haired guy who was sitting next to Midorima introduced himself and Kuroko thanked the lords for one guy who had a natural hair color. "Nice to meet you."

"Himuro Tatsuya." A ridiculously good looking man with half his eyes covered smiled back causing Kuroko's cheeks to burn red and for him to look down. Aomine notices and sniggers.

The next guy to go had ridiculous eyebrows that looked like they split right in the middle, "Kagami Taiga."

"Murasakibara's the kid outside at the receptionist desk," Akashi replied with a flick of his wrist. "He goes over data entry and does programming once in a while but mostly stays at the receptionist desk and acts like an office-wide secretary. He's not here because the budget is too low to get a real receptionist and we need someone to be at the phones 24/7."

Kuroko hears a yell followed by a grunt and spins around to find Aomine and Midorima in a huddled mess.

"Who did this?!" Midorima yells.

"Damn," Aomine whispers, "they're quadruple-knotted."

Takao dashes out of the room, cackling in loud laughter.

Midorima lunges for the door but forgets that his shoes are connected to Aomine's converses and runs the two of them into Aomine's empty chair while Kise is dying in the corner, iPhone 6 Plus in hand, the shutter sound of the camera going off every two seconds.

This was definitely a good idea.


	2. The One Where Takao Gives Life Advice

"WHO. IS. STEALING. MY. LUNCH?!" Murasakibara yells in his almost deafening booming voice as he shakes a half-opened bag of chips in the air, causing multiple chips of Lay's finest kettle-cooked sea salt original to fly on the floor. "THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK."

"Uh oh," Aomine responds as he flicks a chip at Kise's face. "We'll be hearing about this all week."

"I SWEAR TO GOD, I WILL FIND YOU."

"Have you noticed that when Murasakibara is mad, he uses full grammatically-correct sentences?" Himuro revels. "Fascinating."

"Himuro," Kagami responds, slapping his hand on Himuro's chest, "Now's probably not the best time."

"SILENCE," Murasakibara screams. "CONFESS TO YOUR CRIMES. NO ONE LEAVES UNTIL SOMEONE ADMITS TO THE CRIME."

"And big words too," Himuro replies with a tearful sniffle, "I'm so proud."

The phone rings once, twice, and three times before Akashi holds up his hand, "Murasakibara, answer the phone."

The phone rings again.

"Murasakibara, please do the job you get paid to do. Revenge comes after work."

Murasakibara shakes his fist in the air before quickly leaving the room, "I WILL FIND YOU, AND WHEN I DO, YOU BETTER BE PREPARED BECAUSE I WILL CRUSH YOU."

"Jesus," Aomine says as he takes a bite out of his pizza, "Murasakibara is scary when he's pissed."

"Aren't you lactose-intolerant?" Kise inquires.

"It's all in the mind."

"No, I'm pretty sure it's no—"

"Shhh, shhhh" Aomine replied, putting his finger on Kise's lips. "Shhhhhhhhh."

* * *

Takao Kazunari considered himself to probably be the best secret detective in the entire universe. For one, he managed to get out of Akashi's eyesight to the point where he now has been taking a three-hour break in the coffee room without Akashi noticing.

Opening the fridge, he sees Murasakibara's note on a big paper bag: _There's exactly one burrito, fifteen chips, eight maiubos, two pocky packs, one apple, and three clementine oranges. I AM WATCHING YOU. THIS IS MY DINNER. – Murasakibara_.

Takao grinned, and figured that since he was probably the nicest person in the world, he would do Murasakibara a favor by unveiling the perpetrator…and perhaps some blackmail material along the way.

He slowly takes out the salt and pepper packets in the cabinet directly across the fridge and places them on the counter before trying to fit his entire body inside, contouring himself in ways that he hadn't since high school.

It wasn't until thirty minutes had passed that Takao realized that he was stuck.

"Uh…help?"

After a couple of minutes of humming softly, Takao realized that he would make the most out of his current situation and decided to rearrange all the snacks inside the cupboard in alphabetical order, before deciding it would be more advantageous to organize everything in terms of calorie count.

"Uh…Takao?" He whipped his head around from tracing the bee on the Honey Nut Cheerios to stare at the blonde that just called his name. "What are you doing?"

"Um…what are you doing here?"

"I asked you first."

"I asked you second."

"This is probably the least fun game ever," Kise replies with a roll of his eyes. "Anyways, can you just hand me some food."

"Do you want the low-fat granola or the chocolate covered cranberries? I recommend the granola," Takao responds with a look up and down.

"Are you insinuating that I'm _fat_?" Kise gasps with a hand over his chest. "Did you just call me _fat_? Am I _fat?_"

Takao simply said nothing and just handed him the granola.

Kise yelled, "No!" before knocking it out of Takao's hands and running out of the room.

* * *

Kuroko groaned as he looked over at the clock. Ten minutes until the meeting and he still had fifteen slides to go. The reason why he hadn't finished his presentation yet was because Aomine and Kise came in the morning with the intent of "breaking the ice" and "introducing him to the gang" by making a pillow fort under Kuroko's computer, telling him crazy college stories of drunk Akashi and Midorima. It wasn't until 11:00 pm when Akashi ushered the three of them into the break room since Murasakibara declared an office-wide emergency that required the attendance of everyone in the office (which was only like nine people).

Kuroko figured he had about three or four hours after that quick makeshift emergency meeting since the meeting started at 3:15. But then, around 1:00, Murasakibara decided to do a "office raid" to make sure that Kuroko was not the perpetrator (to which Kuroko angrily replied that he didn't even know which one was Murasakibara's lunch since this was only his second day at work). Murasakibara was left relatively happier when he stole the rest of Kuroko's turkey and swiss sandwich. It would've been fine if Himuro and Kagami didn't come in 15 minutes later wondering if Kuroko would let them play World of Warcraft on his computer.

Right now, the clock had just hit 3:00 and Kuroko has effectively entered the zone of "freaking out." The last time he was in this zone, he had just finished his senior thesis thirty minutes before it was due and had to run around campus trying to find a working printer after his ran out of ink from printing 10 pieces of paper.

"Kuroko," Akashi popped his head into the doorway.

"Ah!" Kuroko screamed in surprise as he whirled around, facing his boss, "Oh shit, shit, shit. I'm not done with my slides."

"Nah." Akashi replied with a wave of his hand, "I just came by to tell you that we postponed the meeting until tomorrow. It was mostly to practice Aomine's sales pitch anyways. He's in the bathroom."

"Oh," Kuroko relaxed into his chair, "Why is he in the bathroom?"

"Idiot's lactose intolerant and decided to eat pizza today. He'll probably be there for a while."

"Oh," Kuroko's eyebrows furrow, "What if I want to use it later today?"

"Upstairs, second door on your left. You might want to avoid the bathroom for a week. Last time, we had to call a plumber after Aomine ate a ham and cheese sandwich. It was out of service for a month."

* * *

Takao figured when 5:15 hit that he really really needed to get out of the cupboard. After a heaving fifteen minutes, he finally managed to get his right arm and head out of the cupboard.

"What are you doing?" Akashi asked as he looked at the black-haired boy stuck in the cupboard in front of him. He walked over to the fridge, "Aww, 'I am watching you' haha, how cute." Sounds of chips crunching fills Takao's ears.

"Um…Are you…" He started, "Are you…um…do you eat…uhh..can you help me get out?"

"I'll go get Murasakibara," Akashi replies, mouth full of chocolate pocky.

"Yeah, you do that. I'll just wait for you here."


	3. The One With The Bets

"And, let me just tell you about your horoscope, Takao," Midorima continued as he places the plastic frog in Takao's lap. "You would benefit greatly from reading more into your horoscope. Like the other day, I realized myself that I had completely did my workouts in the wrong order, and you know what my horoscope said? That this week, I will notice that something I did in routine is fundamentally wrong."

Takao simply nods, "Fascinating. Tell me more."

Akashi looks down at his watch and holds up a cardboard numbered 20. Himuro sighs as he drops a five into Aomine's baseball cap.

"The – ugh –" Midorima continues as he clenches his fist, "way they are just so accurate. And it's not just about the accuracy. In fact, horoscopes symbolize the juxtaposition of simple everyday life – the need to know more but yet the mystery is exactly what drives horoscoping to a whole new level."

"Is horoscoping a word?" Aomine whispers to Kuroko.

"Probably," Kuroko replies, "Is "I don't care" a word?"

"Actually, that's three." Kise pipes in which just results in Kuroko ignoring him.

"Let me tell you about the other day where my horoscope stated that I had to bring a kitchen tongs to work. Along the way, I managed to run into an old lady who dropped her keys into a pothole. Guess what happened next?"

"No idea," Takao responds.

Akashi holds up the sign again with the 0 crossed out and replaced it with 5. Kagami and Kuroko give collective groans as they both drop tens in the cap.

"I managed to pick her keys up with the tongs I bought. Do you see how horoscoping not only brings up an individual's luck? But it also brings help to those around you? It's not about the individual, but about the whole."

A 30 flashes on Akashi's board (which Kuroko snorted at the ridiculousness of all the x's) and Aomine throws in a ten from halfway across the room without much difficulty. Murasakibara sighs softly before quietly placing a five in the cap before walking out of the room with a bang of the door.

That didn't stop Midorima.

"Okay, who's good?" Akashi said as he counted the bills in the cap, "thirty-five, forty..."

"I can't believe that Midorima talked about horoscopes for forty minutes straight. That has to be a record or something." Kise responds as he tries to bribe Kuroko by flinging M&amp;Ms at him.

"Update the scoreboard, Aomine. Akashi: 3, Aomine: 1." Akashi yells as he pushes the bills into his back pocket.

"Yeah, yeah," Aomine replies as he adds a tally under Akashi's name.

"I can't believe you used me as a bet," Midorima sighs and takes the M&amp;Ms from Kise's bowl as a way of comfort.

"You'll get over it," Takao replies with a hand on Midorima's shoulder.

* * *

"Will I get fired for this?" Kagami asked as he looked at the carton of eggs in his hands.

Takao put his hand on Kagami's shoulder while fanning himself with three ten dollar bills. "Look, you get twenty if you hit him. I even told you that I'll through in an extra ten if you manage to him on the head. You got twelve tries anyways."

Kagami looked at the eggs again before peering down the window at an oblivious Himuro moving his briefcase out of his car. "I somehow…don't think…that this is a particularly good idea…"

Takao fans himself harder.

Groaning slightly, Kagami takes the entire carton and chucks it out the window. Either out of sheer luck or unluckiness, the eggs didn't fall out of the carton and instead lands themselves right on top of Himuro's head. Himuro quickly crumbles due to the impact which leads Kagami to audibly gasp and quickly run down multiple flights of stairs.

"Damn, Kagami has good aim," Takao whistled as he watches a frantic Kagami trying to persuade Himuro to walk away from the light. "To be honest, I didn't think that he would actually hit him on the head."

"Niceee," Aomine calls from his cubicle. "Where did you get a carton of eggs from anyways?"

"TAKAO. WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY LUCKY ITEM?!"

* * *

"Midorima Shintaro. Print. Print. PRINT. Please print?"

"Why is Midorima screaming at the printer?" Kuroko asked as he managed to walk swiftly away from Midorima's office and into the break room. He was about to do a 360 when he saw Himuro trying to wipe something off his black shirt (It read "There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't." Kuroko snorted).

Himuro chuckled, "He got a new printer today. I told him that it's voice activated and that you can print things just by stating your full name and the command. He's been yelling all day."

"Wow," Kuroko responds as he sips on his coffee, "That's almost ingenious."

"Fuck, print! Midorima Shintaro. Print! Goddamn it. Himuro! It's not working!"

"Well, that's my cue to go home. I have to go take a shower. Some asshole threw eggs on me."

* * *

"I swear to God that there were thirteen colonies in America, not twelve," Kise mumbled as he threw a wadded up piece of paper in the air before catching it. "You're making it up."

"No, there were only twelve." Aomine responds as he exits out of the latest Buzzfeed article about cats. "Do you wanna bet on it?"

"Yeah," Kise pauses, "If you're right then I will kiss the tip of your dick."

"You'll kiss the tip of my dick? Seriously? Those are the stakes?" Aomine responds as he types "original colonies" in the google searchbar.

"Yeah, it just shows that I know that I'm right."

"Alright," Aomine snickers as he pulls up the article about how Delaware was actually not an official colony and was part of Pennsylvania. He beckons Kise over to his desktop and laughs hysterically when he notices the color that quickly escapes Kise's face and before he can even let out a teasing comment, the blonde has already left the scene of the crime.

It didn't stop Aomine from laughing though.

"Aomine, here are the files. I looked them over, they look good." Takao calls as he hands the yellow folder over. "Why are you laughing so hard?"

"Kise made a bet with me that if he was wrong, he has to kiss the tip of my dick." Aomine managed to get out through gasps as he takes the folder from Takao's hands.

"Those are bizarre stakes." Takao chuckled, "Like if you had lost, you just wouldn't get your dick kissed?"

"Seems pretty fair to me."

* * *

**A/N** The "kiss the tip of your dick" bet was inspired by Jonah Hill/Channing Tatum's interview on Conan when they talked about betting the same thing. For some reason, I just could imagine Kise being stupid enough to offer one-sided stakes like that (seems like a very Kise-thing to do anyways). Also, the "you'll get over it" is something a friend from school always says whenever anyone complains about anything.

There's not really a structure to this story, I just realized (lol). It's more a series of ficlets with a central theme, though, they do mostly occur within chronological order in a given day. Kinda similar to how sitcoms are structured (Well, this story is based off of the Office and Friends, so you're probably see some similarities).

I just figured out how to add author notes, so I'll probably used them to explain certain references found in the chapter. Anyways, I hoped you guys liked this and please leave a review if there are any criticisms! :)


	4. The One Where Akashi Threatens Everyone

Kuroko knew that something was wrong the moment he walked into the office on a bright Wednesday morning. He had a sixth sense for these kind of things – like that one time in college where he had the same feeling in the middle of a drug bust at his college frat party. He had just been sitting there, sipping on a beer, typing a late-night philosophy essay about the paradoxical aspect of an omnipotent being when the local college security raided the party in an attempt to find cocaine and marijuana.

(He managed to finish the essay though, with a couple of hours to spare)

And that feeling was back when he steps past the door where he first got Saran-wrapped. It was quiet – which would be normal at a normal startup company, but at Kiseki, it was common to at least here one person screaming at the top of their lungs about a particular issue followed by maniacal laughter (which was usually either Aomine or Takao).

His fears are confirmed when he turns to his right and sees Murasakibara and Aomine rounding the corner, hurdling towards him on office chairs.

"Kuroko, get out of the way!" Aomine yells, attempting to push himself farther than Murasakibara (who made good use of his long limbs to either attempt to trip Aomine or propel himself off the office cubicles).

The collision happened far quicker than Kuroko's reflexes. Kuroko could definitely feel the air get knocked out of him when Aomine's body (a rather heavy body, mind you) along with an office chair (a rather heavy chair, Kuroko would have you know). Murasakibara holds his fist in the air when he manages to break the yellow streamers a couple of yards away.

"Damn," Aomine yells, "Murasakibara! I call redo!"

"Sometimes life gives us obstacles, Aomine! You gotta know how to make lemonade." Kise yells as he catches up to the scene of the crime. "Murasakibara wins our first round of Office Olympics! Aomine gets second place."

"This sucks," Aomine pouts as he gets handed an awkward looking star cut from a piece of cardboard with bits of the numbers "2" and "5" scribbled on it from Akashi. A messy "you tried" in bright red sharpie is on the other side.

"Guys, I think Kuroko died," Himuro says as he pokes Kuroko's cheek. "Or he broke a rib."

Kuroko whimpers pathetically.

"Nope, I think it will just bruise," Akashi responds as he makes a note of something on his clipboard. "Okay, everyone, time for round two: wastebasket basketball."

"Isn't that a bit redundant?" Midorima inquires.

A slight smile appears on Akashi's face that might have accounted for the dangerous flash in his eyes. "Midorima, what did you just say?"

"I mean," Midorima coughs, "It just sounds a bit redundant."

"Okay," Takao starts to drag Midorima away, "I believe that Midorima still wants to live to another day."

* * *

"And we are starting the first round of wastebasket ball!" Midorima anounces.

"What did you just say?" Akashi replies softly. "Did you just say what I think you said?"

"WHAT'S THAT?!" Midorima yells and points behind Akashi in mock surprise. After the latter turns around, the greenhead is no longer seen.

Takao grins, "Well, we have one less person to worry about."

"Anyways, rules are simple; get these pre-made paper balls into the wastebasket. I'll move it farther away after each round. Also, to add additional pressure, I'll be shooting nerfs at you."

"What's the point of that?"

Akashi sighs before pointing his nerf gun at Kise, "Cause I bought it yesterday and I need to try it out." He pulls on the trigger and the nerf travels in a high trajectory before it lands on Kise's forehead. "Stop questioning me." He motions for Kagami to start.

The next twenty minutes was probably the most grueling thing Akashi probably has ever seen. Many tears were shed and previous pride were crushed as Kagami banged his fist on the ground and Aomine pumps both his fists in the air, screaming, "GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLL" at the top of his lungs.

"I think Kagami cried more during these ten minutes than all the other times I've seen him combined." Himuro commented.

"M&amp;Ms?" Takao offered as he observes Aomine imitating Tarzan, "No, I'm pretty sure Kagami cried more when we watched The Notebook."

"Yes," Himuro agrees as he watches tears stream down Kagami's face, "He did cry more during The Notebook."

* * *

"Baaaa Baaaaa Baaaaa~" Himuro sings as Aomine stands on the receptionist desk with Murasakibara standing on a dictionary and Kagami reluctantly next to them with a brown circle taped to his chest.

"Himuro, that's not the right tune," Takao pulls Himuro aside and whispers, "That's the wedding one."

"Oh, same thing," Himuro waves him off.

"Thus, this concludes our Office Olympics. Congratulations to Aomine who gets this trophy." Akashi hands him a pink My Little Pony figurine stapled on a stick.

Takao yawns as he stretches. "What an eventful day. I'm beat."

"Whoa, it's even the pink one." Aomine revels.

"Dudeeeeeee," Kagami calls, hands outstretched.

"Dudeeeeeee," Aomine replies as he thumps his fist against Kagami's.

"Well, I think my IQ just got lowered by 17 points." Takao yawns again.

* * *

"Midorima, is it okay for us to leave early?" Kuroko asks as Midorima ushers the two of them out of the office and into a nearby Starbucks.

"It's fine," Midorima replies, "I can get coding done here. Plus, I don't want to help them clean up."

"Oh, I see."

The two lapse into a comfortable silence as they begin to work on their respective jobs. Kuroko had been contacting a potential investor while Midorima was trying to get through a good chunk of code.

It wasn't until much later when Midorima starts to rummage through his briefcase, patting his pockets, all the sure signs of someone who has lost something important to them, that Kuroko broke the silence, "Midorima? Are you okay? Did you lose something?"

"I think I dropped my lucky item back in the office."

* * *

_|Late Night Text Messaging 0.5|_

Aomine: i cant find my trophy

Kagami: you mean that my little pony that you stapled on a stick

Aomine: hey i got it from office olympics dont be salty cuz you didnt get one

Kagami: trust me im not jealous

Aomine: yes you are the only thing you got was a gold sticker that said 'you tried' on it and a starbucks giftcard with 34 cents

Kagami: and somehow i still feel as if its worth more than your trophy

Aomine: fuck you

Kagami: no thanks

Kagami: why do you still have it anyways

Aomine: because it reminds me that im better than you

Kagami: fuck you

Aomine: no thanks :P

* * *

**A/N** Don't try the office chair racing at home. It's hard and painful. Also, I've always had this headcanon that Midorima tries to rebel against Akashi in his own little way (but fails 99% of the time cause he chickens out). Also, more characters are coming soon...hopefully. I'm not quite sure if I want to do anything with pairings quite yet - I did seriously consider when I started writing, but we'll see; I might just keep things a little ambiguous :P.

I just realized why Midorima is referred to as a carrot. Damn it, I feel so stupid.

Anyways, like always, leave a review! I got my first one yesterday and I started jumping up and down (lol wut).


	5. The One With The Innuendos

"Yo, Kuroko, meeting in 10," Aomine calls as he peers his head over the door.

Kuroko sighs and spins around, "A meeting? I thought Akashi said that our midmonth was postponed till next week since Kagami accidentally deleted system 32 on his computer?"

"I have no idea," Aomine replies as he thumps his folder on Kuroko's door, "Leggo."

The two of them walk side by side until they reached the big conference room and was surprised to find everyone talking excitedly. The two of them sat down awkwardly since most of their meetings consisted of at least one person falling asleep or playing Trivia Crack on their phone.

"Hey," Akashi said, "I just wanted to tell you guys that I'm hosting a dinner party. Kind of like a Welcome-Kuroko dinner party with the office."

"How come Kuroko gets a dinner party at your house and when I got hired you just took us to Taco Bell?" Kagami pouts. "And you didn't even let me order the Nacho Supreme."

"Anyways," Akashi replies with a roll of his eyes, "Since my parents went to their France townhouse, the entire house is open. But, they took all the chefs and maids with them so that's what I called the meeting to devise a potluck because I can't cook and I don't want to get anything catered."

"Why don't you want to get anything catered?" Takao asked.

"Because I don't want you guys to embarrass me," Akashi said before turning to Kuroko, "And I don't want to spend that much money on Kuroko. No offense, Kuroko."

Aomine puts a comforting arm around Kuroko's shoulders. Kuroko looks pleasantly disturbed.

"I can bring cupcakes," Kagami yells with his hand up in the air, "I have some left over from my birthday."

"Your birthday was two months ago." Takao's eyebrows furrow.

Kagami looks back with a roll of his eyes, "And your point?"

Takao holds up his hands, "Nothing."

"I can bring brownies," Himuro comments, "I bought too much mix the other day. I didn't realize that you didn't need that much brownie mix to make brownies."

"That makes no sense," Takao replies.

Kagami whispers, "We weren't really making brownies. We were making _brownies_."

"Oh. _Oh._"

"Great, does anyone want to bring cookies or something then?" Akashi comments sarcastically.

"I can!" Kise yells ecstatically with his hand up in the air in an oh-pick-me-pick-me type of fashion. "I can even bring multiple types of cookies."

Murasakibara half-assedly holds up his hand, "I can bring chips."

"Currently, we only have Kagami's leftover cupcakes, actual brownies, multiple types of cookies, and chips on the menu. We're going to need some sort of main meal." Midorima sighs as he taps a pen on his yellow legal pad.

Akashi nods, "Yeah, someone needs to bring a salad and some sort of entrée."

"I can also make curry," Kagami replies, "I don't mind making it for nine people."

"I guess I'll bring the salad," Aomine sighs.

"Why do you say it like it's so difficult?" Takao responds, "Just throw some lettuce in and add some dressing. Or even better, throw some lettuce in the bowl and leave the dressing on the side."

"I can bring drinks," Kuroko says.

"Ohhh, ohhh," Kise almost jumps in his chair, "Can you bring _drinks_?"

"Kise," Aomine growls with a hit to Kise's head that causes him to stretch across the meeting table, "You're not twelve. You can say the word alcohol. Kuroko, bring _drinks_. Oh, I see. It does sound more mature this way."

* * *

"Whoa, his house is huge," Kuroko says as he sticks his head out of Aomine's car.

Aomine screams, "Get your head back in here! You're not a dog."

Kuroko turns, "Holy shit, we haven't even reached the actual house yet. This driveway never ends."

"Yeah, Akashi's old money," Aomine explains, one hand on the steering wheel, "They manage to keep it through investments, and have more than enough for Akashi to want to do his own thing. I think they are on their fall rotation house in France. They also have one in Hawaii for winter and one in Tokyo for New Years."

"Oh, I think they also have one in Beijing," Kise pipes in from the back seat, "For Spring."

"Oh yeah, Akashi was gone earlier this year to visit them in Beijing. He ended up bringing back a bunch of panda suits for everyone."

Kuroko felt relatively excited when the car finally parked itself outside of a grand entrance. After getting out of the car, he rang the doorbell and heard a "Come in!" before he's face to face with a black wolf.

"What the fuck?" Kuroko semi-screams (it was not high-pitched, he'll have you know) and stumbled back into Aomine.

Aomine sniggers, "That's Siobhan."

"Siobhan?"

"Yeah, it's Irish."

"Huh."

"Siobhan!" Kise yells as he pounces on the wolf, "I haven't seen you in a long time!"

"Kise," Akashi calls, "Get off of her. I have to take her to the vet tomorrow."

* * *

"Wow, yummy," Murasakibara lazily says as he walks into the main dining room, munching on a bag of chips. "Heyyy."

Akashi raises his eyebrows, "I thought you said you were bringing chips."

"Of course," Murasakibara lifts up the open bag of chips he has In his hand, "Here they are~"

Akashi shakes his head, "Nevermind. Just sit down, dinner's almost ready."

"Man," Aomine calls as he brings nine sets of forks and spoons, "We gotta start doing what Murasakibara does by coming late to everything. You get out of doing so much work."

Himuro shakes his head as he sets down four glasses of water on his tray while Kagami sets down the other five. Murasakibara silently slides into the head of the table. After seeing a silent yet deadly glare from Akashi, he silently slides to the chair to the left.

The nine of them takes their respective seats as Kagami starts to divide the curry and rice.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Midorima says as he gets up from the table.

"Take your time," Takao calls. After making sure Midorima's out of eyesight, he grabs Midorima's water before unscrewing the cap to the salt shaker and dumping a generous heaping of salt in it.

"What a great prank," Aomine replies sarcastically as he watches Takao stir the water using his spoon.

Takao grins before taking Aomine's water and doing the same thing.

"Dude, I'm right here," Aomine says, "I'm not going to fall for it and drink it."

"That's not the point," Takao replies before setting Aomine's water back in place and adding salt to his own water.

The eight of them digs into Kagami's curry to which Kuroko is pleasantly surprised by how good it was.

Himuro noticed the look of surprise on Kuroko's face before explaining with a small smile, "Kagami took a bunch of culinary classes when he was younger. And then his parents shipped him off to the States for high school and college so he had to fend for himself, so he had a lot of practice."

"Oh, it's very good, Kagami." Kuroko replies.

"No, I'm telling you, dolphins are fucking crazy," Kise says with a mouthful of curry and rice. "They are so violent. There's been cases where they try and rape their trainers."

"That's intense." Aomine shakes his head, "This totally ruins SeaWorld for me."

Midorima shifts back into his seat, "That was a horrible five minutes. Siobhan was right outside the door and I felt uncomfortable."

"How do you even pee in public then?" Aomine inquires.

"I don't," Midorima takes a sip of his water before quickly spitting it out, "MOTHERFUCKIN—" He reaches for Aomine's water as an attempt to get the salty taste out of his mouth. After one sip, he was prompted to spit out Aomine's water as well. "MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMNIT AOMINE."

Aomine quickly holds up his hands but he can't help but let out a laugh, "I didn't do anything, I swear. Though, I kinda wished I did."

"TAKAO," Midorima rounds on the raven-head sitting on the other side of him.

Takao mirrors Aomine's actions, "Haha, sorry, sorry. It was just a harmless prank. Here," Takao hands him his own water.

Midorima takes it with a glare before figuring that there was no way that Takao would do something to his own water. He was obviously wrong, as five seconds later, he's spitting out Takao's water as well. "FUCKING HELL."

"Ew~" Murasakibara winces as he's hit by multiple droplets of Midorima's spit-take. He wipes his face on Kise who jumps back in shock. Akashi, who had been on the most of the receiving end of the rainfall, holds his glass so hard it breaks.

"YOU DICK." Midorima shouts as he grabs Takao by his collar.

"That's a little bit sexist." Takao responds with a shrug, "Not everyone in the world has a dick."

"Wha-Wa-What does that have to do with anything?" Midorima shrieks as he tries to mob up the mess around him using Kise's jacket ("HEY, THAT'S DESIGNER!").

"Well, if you are going to insult me, I would much rather you use a more encompassing term. Like taint. Everyone's got a taint."

Midorima just stares at Takao incredulously because seriously, what the actual fuck.

Camera sounds go off.

"Kise, what are you doing?" Kuroko breaks the silence.

Kise snickers, "I'm adding it on my Instagram."

(#nofilter #nomakeup #aunaturael #makeitrain)

* * *

|_Late Night Text Messaging 0.75|_

Kise: aomine

Kise: aomine

Kise: aomine

Aomine: bitch stop what do you want

Kise: aomine

Kise: aomine

Aomine: fucking hell kise

Kise: i have a serious question

Aomine: what

Kise: what percent of water is celery

Aomine: jesus fucking christ are you high

Kise: do you wanna hear a joke

Aomine: no

Kise: aomine

Aomine: hoe dont do it

Kise: aomine

Aomine: oh my gawd

* * *

**A/N **Can you imagine Murasakibara just eating whatever food he was going to bring to the party because he got hungry along the way? Haha, I always imagined him doing that. Most of the conversations they had at the dinner table are inspired by conversations I have with my roommates, lol, we talk about really weird things. Also, don't do drugs, kids. That is all. On another note, I couldn't resist using the "hoe dont do it" meme. I apologize. There's probably going to be a |_Late Night Text Messaging| _Segment at the end of most chapters or a random small ficlet (they will be titled lol). Idk, those are fun to write.

Anyways, leave a review if you liked it, if you disliked it, if you want to save a cat, etc. Updates are pretty regular, most of them are going to be daily (with the amount of stuff I have planned anyways). On a completely separate note, I'm dying waiting for KnB Extra Game 2 to be scanlated.


	6. The One With The Innuendos (II)

After the dinner, Aomine asked Akashi if the nine of them could use his outdoor pool as a "team bonding" type of activity. Akashi agreed, as long as his pool was neat and clean after they were done. The nine of them quickly slipped off their shirts, borrowed whatever of Akashi's hundreds of swimwear, and headed out to the pool.

"Dudeeee," Aomine whispers as he pulls Kise aside, "They're right about what they say about height. Murasakibara's a lucky guy."

"Whoa," Kise turns and looks at what Aomine was motioning to before quickly turning around, "I didn't need to see that."

Aomine grins before slinging his arm around Kise's shoulder, "It's cold right?"

Kise pouts, "That's means, Aomine. It's not as if you are that big either."

"I-It's not that," Aomine sputters, "It's just that these don't fit me properly."

"You're like a foot taller than Akashi. If anything, it should make you look bigger."

"What the hell are you saying?" A wave of red hair interjects.

"Nothing!" Aomine replies before grabbing Kise and dragging him closer to the pool.

Midorima sets his glasses on the ground before sticking his toe into the pool and deciding that it's too cold. He watches as Kagami jumps into the pool in simple cannonball style. Clenching his fist, he musters enough courage to stick his toe in the pool water again, before deciding (again) that it was much too cold.

He feels a warm hand on his back and the next thing he feels is a thousand icicles stabbing him in every single direction. He gasps out of the water and sees a laughing pair of Takao and Himuro before screaming, "TAKAO!"

A laughing Takao can barely form his words, "Hahaha, My bad, hahaha, you….you just looked like you wanted to get in!"

"Takao!" Midorima screams.

"Ah! Watch out!" Takao yells, pointing at something behind Midorima. He turns around, and the next thing he sees is a surprised Himuro falling on top of him.

Takao can't stop laughing.

Himuro flips him off.

* * *

"Hurry up!" Takao's voice is slightly muffled by the door but Akashi and Aomine can hear him loud and clear. The two had their ears pressed tightly against the door.

"Calm down," Midorima's voice is heard, "I haven't done the proper preparations yet. You don't want to more pain, do you?"

Akashi sweat-drops and turns to Aomine, "You don't think…."

Aomine shakes his head and gulps, "I didn't even know that they were going out."

"Maybe it's a one night stand kind of thing," Akashi tries to explain, "But why would they pick here of all nights?"

"They did both drink a lot though," Aomine reminds the redhead.

"Midorima, if you don't hurry up, then forget it!" Takao calls.

"Jeez," Midorima replies, "Fine. But if it hurts, don't blame me."

"Fuck!" Akashi groans, "They're seriously doing it! What are we supposed to do?"

"We can just wait till their done."

Akashi shakes his head, "I _just_ got the carpet done. It's _new carpet._ And I got new towels. I can't have – can't have them destroyed. We have to stop them."

"How are we going to stop them?"

"Ah!" Takao's yells carry themselves through the door, "That hurts! Go slower!"

"I told you it was going to!" Midorima replies, "Just relax, it'll get better."

"Shit!" Akashi yells-whispers, "They already started, how the fuck are we going to stop them?! Aomine, do something!"

"What?!" Aomine yell-whispers back, "What the fuck am I supposed to do?!"

"I don't know! Just do _something_! You're good at confrontation."

Aomine shakes his head, "No, no, no, not that kind of confrontation. You should do it. You said you had a roommate in college who brought girls over all the time!"

"That wasn't over my _new carpet!_" Akashi half-shrieks.

"Can you go faster?" Takao says with a groan.

"I thought you told me to go slower," They can hear Midorima chuckle and the color rushes from their faces.

"Shut up! Go faster," Takao screams.

"You do it," Aomine growls, "You're the CEO. You hired them, it's your responsibility."

"Fuck, they're grown men," Akashi says, hands over the doorknob, "I'm going to put them in their place."

"Is it better?" Midorima's voice causes Akashi to pause.

"Well, it doesn't hurt anymore," Takao whispers.

Akashi groans, "Shit shit shit, I can't do it. Oh my god, I'm going to have to change the carpet, _again_."

"What are you guys doing?" Kise calls.

"Oh my god," Aomine lets out a sigh, "Thank goodness. Kise, come here and open the door."

"Why?"

They hear a very loud groan emit from the bathroom.

"What the hell was that?" Kise asks, cheeks pink.

"Uh, Takao and Midorima are in there—we need to get them to stop because I just got the carpet done." Akashi explains.

They hear a sigh followed by a "It doesn't that much anymore. Thank goodness."

Kise shakes his head very quickly and is about to leave before both Aomine and Akashi grab each of his arm, "No no no, I do not want to be a part of this!"

"Okay," Aomine compromises, "How about we all open it on a count of three." The three of them nods as Aomine turns the doorknob "One…two…..two and a half….three!"

The three of them stumble into the small bathroom. In front of them sits Takao on the toilet seat, a blaring red cut over his knee and Midorima standing over him with a cotton swab in one hand and a bottle of iodine in the other.

"What the hell?" Midorima turns to them with wide eyes.

"Oh nothing!" Akashi said with a wave of his hands, "I just wanted to show Aomine and Kise….my new carpet!"

"Yeah," Aomine mumbles, cheeks bright red with embarrassment, "That's a great carpet. You have to tell me where you got it!"

"I have a great idea," Kise yells, looking everywhere except Takao and Midorima, "Let's talk about Akashi's new carpet anywhere but here."

"What a great idea, Kise!" Akashi says awkwardly, "That's why I hired you…haha…for your great ideas!" He drags the two of them out of the bathroom, closing the door with a slight bang.

"How weird," Takao comments before yelling in pain as Midorima dabs his wound, "Oww! I swear to God, you are purposely making this more painful than it needs to be. Anyway, I wonder why they decided to look at the carpet."

"Well, I do believe that it _is_ a nice carpet."

* * *

|_Late Night Text Messaging 1.0|_

Himuro: if I eat myself will I disappear completely or be twice as big

Kagami: himuro

Kagami: its 3 in the fucking morning

Kagami: go to sleep

Himuro: but seriously what do you think

Kagami: uhhh

Himuro: you don't know do you

Kagami: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Kagami: that's probably one of the best questions you ever asked

Kagami: my mind is blown

Himuro: also also also

Himuro: what if the asteroid that hit the planet and killed the dinosaur was actually an ufo

Himuro: and _we're_ the aliens

Kagami: OH MY GOD

* * *

A/N. Himuro likes to ask deep questions late at night. Kagami's the only one who will humor him.

Also, I realize that this story was probably the most cliche of cliches but I don't know, it was kinda fun writing Akashi worrying over his new carpet. Inspired by my roommate who said that it was okay to bring over guys as long as it didn't get over her rug. I ended up writing this chapter like five different times because I didn't know if I wanted to continue the dinner party or move onto a different day. The good thing is I could probably use what I wrote for future chapters, lol.

Leave a review, you'll save a life (mostly my pathetic weeaboo shit life). Also, the new episode came out today and when Akashi appeared for like three seconds, I fangirled like...something you would fangirl really hard to (askjfdhlhjd how the fuck is he so hot, he doesn't even exist).


	7. The One With Strip Poker

"What the fuck?" Kuroko walks in to his office and is rather surprised (but also somewhat irritated) by a rather depressed-looking Aomine who is helping himself to Kuroko's chocolates on his desk and spinning around in his office chair and a trying-to-comfort-but-is-actually-making-everything-worse Kise trying to pat Aomine on the shoulder (which was kind of awkward looking considering that Aomine was spinning around). Kise, being not so subtle, opens his phone and takes a picture.

"He's just depressed because he lost at strip poker last night." Kise responds, "He's been like this for eight hours."

"I can't believe I lost at strip poker, you guys ganged up against me." Aomine mumbles. "I'm the best at strip poker. I beat Momoi like fifty thousand times."

"I don't think that counts," Kise replies, "Playing with five people is a completely different ball-game."

Kuroko places his briefcase on the desk next to his computer. "What happened?"

"Oh, oh, oh, story time!" Kise claps his hands together, "So yesterday, Aomine and I were in our apartment—"

"Wait, you guys live together?" Kuroko asked, "I didn't know that."

"You never asked. Now anyways, back to the story, Aomine and I were in our apartment and Momoi texted him wondering if she could bring her two friends over because apparently they wanted to get out of their date. So of course, Aomine and I quickly agreed. The three of them came over and we decided to play strip poker," Kise continues, "Kuroko, that's such a good idea right? It was my good idea."

Aomine looks at him incredulously before turning to Kuroko, "It was _my _idea to play strip poker."

"Yeah, but I was the one who came up with the idea that we should all do something."

"Anyways," Aomine continued as he spun around in Kuroko's chair, "the four of them all ganged up on me, so at the end of everything, I was the only one naked. Then Momoi and her friends left without doing much else."

"Oh," Kuroko responds, feeling slightly out of place because seriously, it didn't seem that big of a deal, "Uh…I'm sorry?"

Aomine sighs multiple times before replying, "It was…so _humiliating_."

"That's great and all," Kuroko continues slowly, looking at the clock that just hit 10:00, "But can you take your humiliation somewhere else? I have to work on my job."

"How rude," Aomine interjects, "Would I leave you if you were having a mid-life crisis? And Kise, if you upload that picture onto Instagram I will fucking murder you."

(#midlifecrisis #roommateprobs #nofilter #nomakeup)

* * *

"No, I'm not going to play strip poker with you for practice," Takao yells when a rather depressed Aomine is latched onto his leg. "Let go! I have shit to get done."

"No!" Aomine yells from the ground, "You are the worst little shit I know, you probably know some tricks."

"I feel slightly offended by that," Takao says as he tries to pry Aomine's hands off of his jeans, "But also highly honored. Thank you."

Aomine looks at him with hopeful eyes.

"But no, I have to get this outline program to work and Akashi wanted me to work on the official website, so no, I don't have time to humor you today."

* * *

"Well, this is by far the most bizarre request I've ever gotten." Himuro smiles awkwardly. With a click of his mouse, he exits out of Buzzfeed's quiz to figure out what type of chicken he is.

"Please, I just need to get four people."

"How many people do you have?"

"One," Aomine shifts in his shoes before adding, "Including me."

Himuro begins typing, "Sorry, I'm busy. I have to work on the official website."

"You're not even writing anything," Aomine points out, "you're just typing the same row of characters over and over again."

Himuro waves him off, "Technicalities. Now, shoo, I'm busy."

* * *

"Murasakibaraaa."

"No."

"Okay, will come back with food."

* * *

"How did the entire office get sucked into doing this?" Kise asked as the nine of them occupied their usual conference room as Aomine tries to dim the lights ("Why did you dim the lights?" Takao called) with two decks of cards in hand.

"My beautiful persuasion skills." Aomine replied. "Plus a huge chunk out of my next paycheck."

"Aomine said that he'll single-handedly fund an office-wide trip to Times Square if we did this," Akashi explained, "So naturally, I agreed."

"Okay, guys, let's do this." Aomine cracks his knuckles.

After fifty minutes of gruesome yelling, crying, Aomine leaps on the conference table with no shirt, screaming "GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLL" at the top of his lungs, high and victorious.

"Well," Kagami, who's only in his boxers, says, "That was unexpected."

Aomine ignores him and starts dancing.

Kise takes multiple pictures.

(#lookattheseabs #sofab #iworkout)

"This was fun and all," Takao pipes up as he shifts to put on his pants. "But I gotta go work on that official website."

"What official website?" Akashi asks, "There is no official website."

* * *

|_I Donut Understand Puns_|

"I bought donuts!" Takao yells as he enters the break room and sets down a box of the finest of Krispy Kremes. "Come and get them while they last!"

"Uhhohhhh~" Kagami yells as he sticks his head in the door, "Did you get jelly-filled?"

"Oh course I did," Takao replies, "I'll make some coffee."

"I already made some," Himuro says with a grin.

"Woooo~" Aomine yells with his hands up in the air, "Donuts! What a glorious day."

"Save a chocolate one for me," Kise says.

"I thought you were on a diet."

Kise rolls his eyes, "Not with that attitude."

Murasakibara walks into the break room, takes three donuts and hooped them around his long ass fingers before swiftly walking back out without another word.

"Midorima," Takao calls to the greenhead who had walked in to see what the commotion was all about, "Do you want some?"

Midorima looks conflicted before finally shaking his head, "No, I'm not too hungry."

"It's good," Takao holds one up to him. "I got them while I was out on my lunch break."

"Uh—" He's suddenly cut off by various sounds of gagging throughout the break room. Kise, Aomine, and Kagami are on the ground trying to spit out whatever remnants of donuts they may still have in their mouths.

"What did you do to them?" Midorima asks, horrified.

"Oh no," Himuro says, "Here, drink some coffee." He pours some into each of their mugs.

They start gagging again, spitting the coffee out of their mouths.

Midorima turns to Himuro, even more horrified. "What did you do the coffee?"

"Midorima," Takao grins, "Didn't your mother tell you to not waste food? Himuro accidentally bought a huge container of mayo at Costco, so what better way to spread the love than to give them to your coworkers?"

Midorima gulped and whispered, "I knew it. I fucking knew it."

(Later, Murasakibara walked over to Takao, "Those were some really good donuts. What kind did you get?")

* * *

**A/N **This was kind of short, I apologize. My spring break is coming to an end (which is probably the only reason I was able to punch out a chapter a day). I'll still try and write everyday because it actually became a nice way for me to let go and not get too anxious about things (lol). More characters will be added in the following chapters, especially Izuki, so expect to see a lot of puns. Future chapters are probably going to be better than this one, hahaha, this was kinda filler.

Murasakibara doesn't give a fuck, he loves all types of food, haha.

Also, I feel like I should clarify that the characters in my fic are going to be somewhat OOC. It's set in a different time/place, they all have different backgrounds (For example, both of Akashi's parents are alive and Kagami grew up in Japan before being sent to have schooling in the States). They are all college grads as well (Being the little shit that I am, I already picked out which college they all went to, etc). Not only that, but since this is a comedy fic, certain characteristics of each of the characters are going to be enhanced while others not so much for comedic purposes. Thus, certain qualities will probably be overlooked or intensified for these purposes.

Leave a review, favorite, follow, etc. (Imma fucking die if KnB:Extra Game 2 is not scanlated soon aksjdfhlaksd)


	8. The One With The Contract

"I need you to sign this," Akashi says as he walks into Takao's cubicle on a gloomy Monday morning, cup of coffee in hand.

Takao whirls around in his Doritos shirt before taking the stack of papers from Akashi's hands, "What's this?"

"Just sign it."

"Why?"

"Cause I told you to."

Takao hums, pen in mouth, as he flips through the pages. "What's this? Some sort of high school behavior note?"

_Kiseki Corporations Behavior Contract (aka KCBC)_

_1\. All rules must be followed. Violations will result in some sort of punishment._

_2\. All pranks are prohibited when there are clients at our company._

_3\. Yes, all of them, Takao._

_4\. Must keep a professional look at all times around the clients._

_5\. No, your "Fuck Bitches Make Money" T-shirt does not count, Aomine._

_6\. In the presence of clients, Midorima's lucky item is to not be touched._

_7\. It cannot be auctioned or sold anywhere either physically or in the digital world._

_8\. Even if it makes good money. _

_9\. No coercing the clients in doing things they would not otherwise do with a clear mind or conscience._

_10\. Wearing Harry Potter robes and yelling curses while pointing at people with a wand is not work appropriate._

The list continued on for 18 pages (front and back) typed neatly in Comic-Sans. The last one (_989\. In order to respect client's privacy, vines are not to be made or uploaded during presentations or meetings_) ended right before slots for eight different signatures, Takao being the only one who hasn't signed.

"Hm, I feel like I should talk to my lawyer about this." Takao says with a laugh before gulping when he sees Akashi's sweet smile and quickly jotting his name and the date down.

"Thanks," Akashi says as he take the 18 pages back, "We're having people come over to work on a project. Also change your shirt, please, to something that doesn't reflect food."

* * *

"Whoa, this place is way bigger than ours," Izuki Shun (programmer at Furui Corporations) noted as he walked through the glass doors. "Say, Hyuga, we should get a bigger building." He looks over at a glass vase with fake tulips before running his fingers through the bulbs.

"Stupid," Hyuga Junpei (Senior VP at Furui Corporations) yelled as he hit Izuki on the back of the head, "As if we have the funding for that. Kasamatsu's still an intern for two years now."

"Speaking of which," Kasamatsu Yukio (Unpaid Intern at Furui Corporations) replied, "I would really like to start getting paid. I mean, I was the one who set up this meeting in the first place."

"What? What?"

"Don't act like you can't hear me all of a sudden, I know you're not deaf!" Kasamatsu yelled.

"Nice to meet you," The four workers from Furui Corporations looked at the confident redhead in front of them, "I'm Akashi Seijurou. We'll meet in the main conference room and introduce ourselves to everyone."

* * *

"Here," Izuki said as he handed a plastic tulip that he ripped off of the receptionist table to Takao who simply raised his eyebrows but accepted the peace offering.

Takao sighed. It wasn't like he didn't like this Izuki Shun person – he did, he seemed like a lot of fun. But he just didn't know why Akashi assigned them to work on a programming project together. It's one thing to work with another person when making a poster but coding? That was meant to be done single-handedly. Thank goodness the Furui group was only going to be here for two days.

"You can sit here," Takao points to a plastic chair in his small cubicle.

"Uh, thanks," Izuki mumbled as he took out his laptop and began to type.

They lapsed into a rather comfortable silence until Izuki asked if he could borrow a sticky-note. Takao complied, wondering what the hell is this guy up to, because his joke radar was going haywire. Izuki takes the flower off of Takao's desk before taping in on the wall. He takes the post-it note and writes "There are no perks" before enclosing it in a speech bubble and sticking it right next to the taped flower.

And right then and there, Takao realized that he has found his missing soulmate.

"That's beautiful," Takao says, wiping a tear from his right eye. "The subtleness. The juxtaposition. Just…damn."

"Thanks," Izuki grinned while mock bowing.

Screw the contract, this was too good to give up. "Hey do you want to see something?"

_To Be Continued._

* * *

|_Kuroko No Shingeki_|

"Just watch, you bastards!" Himuro screams as he tries to swipe at Kagami with his broom, "Mankind will destroy you all. Mankind will survive! You bastards will all fall to Captain Takao!" Kagami ducks out of the way and trips Himuro over, causing him to fall on his back.

Takao appears with a tied black blazer around his shoulders, a broom in one hand and vacuum cleaner in the other, "One on the right, two on the left..."

"Captain!" Kuroko calls, "I bought reinforcements!"

"Kuroko, look after the solider," Takao orders, "Kise, you take care of the one on the right; I'll clean the left."

Kise nods as he lifts his broom, his hoodie tied around his shoulders to form a makeshift cape, ready to go after the green-haired giant two feet away.

"What a lovely bunch. You all have such…interesting faces." Takao says as he approaches both Aomine and Murasakibara. He lifts his vacuum cleaner and hits Aomine straight across the small of his back. Reaching into his pocket, Takao extracts five wrapped peppermints before throwing them at Murasakibara. "Stay still, otherwise I'll never get a clean cut of your flesh." He swipes his broom to hit Murasakibara's calves causing the purple-haired giant to crumple.

"Captain I can't stop the bleeding!" Kuroko calls.

"Captain….was I useful to mankind?" Himuro asks, tears forming in his eyes (from staring at the ceiling light for too long) and with a crack of his voice, he adds, "Or will I die useless like this?"

Takao grimaces, and clasps Himuro's hands in a way that was worthy of an Oscar, "You did great and you'll do even more! Your spirit will stay with me and give me strength. I swear to you I will exterminate the titans!"

Kuroko shakes his head, "Captain, he's gone…"

"Do you think he heard?"

"Did I hear what?" A redhead pops into the conference room, "What are you guys all doing here instead of doing work?"

"Uh uh," Takao winces as he slips off his blazer. "Just playing around. Taking a break."

"Oh, don't stop by my account," Akashi says with an unnerving grin. Takao sweat-dropped. "Attack on Titan, huh? Shall I join?"

"No, no, it's okay," Himuro rises, hands up, "We were almost done with the scene anyways."

"Not at all," Akashi grins, "This seems like a lot of fun. I want to be Levi though."

"Uh, well," Takao says as he inches closer to the door, "I have coding to get back to…"

"Nonsense," Akashi gleams, "We can't have you leave just yet. You're playing the main part in the next scene. You should know the courtroom scene, right? Mr. Eren Jaeger?"

(And Takao was never heard from again)

* * *

**A/N **The AoT/KnB thing was inspired by a funny comic on Tumblr I saw. I can't seem to find it now since I was on my phone at the time, but yeah, that's where I got the idea from. (Akashi's mostly just salty since they didn't ask him to be Levi). Also, the scene is taken from the episode where Levi is introduced (I forgot which episode it was. But here's the Youtube part: watch?v=bxEG-PyeORw). Oh sorry if you don't watch AoT, I feel like I just spoiled it lol. Funny enough, not being allowed to do AoT roleplay is number 734 on the contract. Oh, Takao.

This is meant to be the first part of Izuki/Takao's adventure in the office. I'll probably have more interactions with the other characters (btw Furui translates to old lol I didn't know what else to call them). I don't know how many parts it's going to take, maybe two or three. Also the "Perks of Being a Wallflower" pun was also from Tumblr.

School's started so updates are going to be kind of slow (I apologize!) I'll try to get them out every two days though. Anyways, like always, review, follow, favorite makes me a very happy fangirl :)


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